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When I was a small child I was very sensitive and emotional and needed a lot of affection. I felt misunderstood by those in control of my destiny - my parents, carers, teachers, other children's parents - for a variety of reasons. Sometimes I felt over-stimulated and just needed to be somewhere quiet being cuddled until I felt safe again. Sometimes I felt frustrated because my eczema itched so much and I needed a cool bath. Sometimes I felt over-tired and needed consolation to help me get to sleep.
Usually when I felt these needs weren't being met, my crying would become more severe. I didn't believe I was going to get what I needed and often I didn't know what it was. I was a child after all. At those times my crying became more desperate. Then I was labelled as having a tantrum, or worse, a temper tantrum. This felt like a sort of condemnation. My mother's evident despair made me feel guilty for having these needs. The irritation of my teachers made me feel I didn't deserve to have these needs met. Had
Had my principle carers tried to find out what I needed rather than focusing on the crying itself, I believe I would have felt more loved. Had they accepted me, the whole me, including my sensitivity and my big emotions, I may have been able to move out of my anger more smoothly and back to the fundamental desire that I had, like all children have, to co-operate of my own free will (different from obeying out of fear).
So I would say the way to deal with 'tantrums' is by trying to find the need behind the outburst. If you don't think it's in the child's interests to have what he or she is identifying as the need, that is ok too. Hearing the child and sympathising with his or her disappointment in a loving way often helps a lot. Let your child know that it is ok to have negative feelings. You still love him or her. Also, and it's a tall task I know, it helps kids a lot if you can stay cool and not get emotional yourself. Just stay loving and firm. That way they feel like you are in control. That makes them feel safe to be themselves.